Rhythm Tools for Life: #7 –“DIALOG”

You suddenly realize you have no idea of the time.  It’s probably well after midnight, you think, but you don’t want the spell to end.

You’ve been in a delicious, flowing conversation with a friend, feeling fascinated and tuned in to everything that was said.  You take a deep, appreciative sigh.

“Time to go to bed!” says your Head.

“No.  More!” says your Heart.

Surely one of the most exquisite human experiences is those times when we fall into deep conversation with another person.  When thoughts and ideas spiral into new insights and deeper understandings of ourselves and each other.

Such experiences are Dialog at its best.  Open-hearted listening, thoughtful responses, and sincere questions build on each other to add new dimensions to the relationship.

Dialog in Drumming

Musically speaking, and in drumming, Dialog is the back and forth intertwining of melodies created by two or more people.  As we explored earlier, Melody is your song, notes in a particular combination of pitch and phrasing that carry your message of content and emotion.

Just like talking conversation, drumming is so much more satisfying when it becomes a dialog with others.  Traditional drum songs from cultures around the world are based on dialog: Different drums playing their melodies, creating ensemble conversations that have lasted hundreds, even thousands of years.

When people play together in an improvisational drum circle, there is a noticeable shift when players’ individual melodies connect in dialog.  Suddenly, we’re not playing our parts in silos any more.  In that moment where our rhythms “lock in” in distinct relationship, we become part of Something Bigger.  We are ready to travel to new musical heights — together.

What does it take to create that shift?  And how can we create more satisfying conversations at work, and with our friends and family?  As I see it, generative dialog, whether drumming or conversing, develops in five flowing steps:

1.  ◉ ◉ (In drumming:) Find a Common Pulse.  ☺☺ (In conversation:) Agree on the Topic.

A drum dialog can’t occur without a common pulse and tempo.  That sets our shared platform for play.

The equivalent in conversation is having common understanding of the subject and purpose of your talk.  If you unknowingly have two different topics or agendas, things will never click.

2.  ◉ ◉ Find your Melody Theme.  ☺☺ Express your Main Idea.

Though your drumming melody might ultimately contain 5 to 10 notes in your 4-beat pattern, there are usually 2 or 3 notes that carry the essential musical idea by themselves.  Starting this simple, and orienting to each others’ basic themes, gives you lots of room for variety in your dialog.

In conversation, when each of you expresses your main ideas and a bit of what’s behind them, you establish and orient to the conversational territory.

Key point here:  Leave Space.  When we start with more of a conclusion than a main idea, our pre-thought rationale creates a rigid monologue.  It’s like playing too many notes in drumming:  There’s no room for your partner, and no creative opening for yourself.

To begin a dialog, SPACE is your friend — in your drumming and in your thinking.

3.  ◉ ◉ Listen – Appreciate – Elaborate – Repeat.  ☺☺ Listen – Appreciate – Elaborate – Repeat.

This is the heart of generative dialog, on drums and in conversation.  The dialog evolves in waves of listening, letting it in, and then expressing your next thought or drum phrase.

In conversation, we do this by taking turns speaking.  With drumming, we can “speak” simultaneously in a rhythmic dance.  In both cases, though, the key to dialog is to keep our ears open — to the whole song, or the whole context of the conversation.

When we’re in the flow of dialog, the conversation evolves naturally, with no abrupt non-sequiters that throw the rhythm or conversation off track.  Each person adds the progression and the greater whole.

4.  ◉ ◉ Solo and Support.  ☺☺ Be Creative and Encourage Creativity

In hand drumming, solos are an individual’s self-expression of a longer dynamic “thought.”  They are typically fiery, louder, and contain a lot more notes.  They build on the underlying support patterns, but often “challenge” them with cross currents of different timing and emphasis.

Solos add excitement, and bring in new rhythmic ideas that can help the song evolve.

But if everyone tries to solo at once, the dialog dissolves into a mash-up of unconnected ideas and too many notes.  The key to adding the energy of solos while stay connected in dialog is to take turns soloing and playing support.

Solos are meant to be passionate and expressive — where we push our own edge of complexity and rhythmic orientation.  That’s where the thrill for the other players and listeners comes from, too:  “Will she keep this roller coaster on the tracks?”

In talking conversations, sometimes a person’s “solo” can have a different effect.  Someone’s passionately expressed desire, opinion, or frustration can seem threatening — like something that needs to be contained or controlled or countered.  The dialog can quickly devolve into “serial monologues.”  Listening goes out the window, as each person simply mentally rehearses what they’re going to say in their next turn to “solo.”

We are so attuned to each other — and to our instincts to protect ourselves — that this shift from collaborative dialog to competitive serial monologues can happen in an instant — and often subtley so.  Suddenly, the productive potential of the conversation evaporates, along with creativity and willing engagement.

The good news is that either party can stop this dynamic, once they notice it’s happening.  What’s your cue?

Notice:  “Hmmm, I’m feeling tense.  Even a little defensive.”

Next step:  Breathe — deeply, consciously, and in rhythm. You are returning to your own “support rhythm,” which re-establishes your platform to listen.  You’ve stopped the accelerating cycle of serial monologue, and created a chance to re-connect with acknowledgement of your partner’s point.  Once they feel heard, they’re much more likely to listen to yours.

5.  ◉ ◉ Re-unite and Close.  ☺☺ Connect, summarize, acknowledge.

After the adventurousness of solos and experimentation, players in a satisfying drum dialog generally settle into nicely interlocking patterns that highlight the melodic back-and-forth of their rhythmic conversation.  We experience the satisfaction of playing our part of something bigger — a co-creation that has taken on a life of its own between us and our drums.  We tune in to the song with appreciation for the entire creative experience and let the song itself “tell” us how and when to end.

As a talking conversation draws to an close, this “settling” process starts with summarizing the valuable aspects of where the dialog has led you, relative to your original topic and purpose.  They may be new insights you have gained,  decisions made, or actions you’ve committed to.

In addition, one sure way to give it lasting impact is to create a moment of appreciation for the exchange of meaning between you.  It’s best, of course, if this is mutual, but this isn’t always possible, especially if you have had different points of views.  Nevertheless, we are highly attuned to receiving appreciation from each other.  So even if you are the only one acknowledging value in what has transpired, you will have a positive effect, whether they respond in kind or not.

In any event, you are in a different place than when you started as a result of your dialog.  Sharing ideas, listening, being influenced, and developing new insights is inherently creative.  You know more about yourself, each other, and what your next steps could be as a result of your generative conversational dance.  Onward!

Connect, Listen, Express, and Appreciate to go new places with Conversation.

Next up in Rhythm Tools for Life: SOUND MIX →

← Read the previous post: MELODY

The post Rhythm Tools for Life: #7 – “DIALOG” appeared first on Rhythm Lift.